what

do you ever wonder, like...
okay, no no no. i wonder. i wonder what would happen if humans lived 300 years or 902 or 17,368 or a million and two months or some large arbitrary number, because we are such amazing fucking creatures in these weirdly fragile frail and transient bodies...
we die so easily, and there is nothing wrong with death- nothing glorious or good as far as i'm concerned-
it's just, death is death, okay moving on,
but what would a person that old, who kept their wits about them and didn't break down and reach their mental peak so early in life, be like?
i can't even fathom it.
because as i learn and experience things, i have trouble putting it all away- i dont even bother to categorize of judge anymore because it's not the way of things and its too exhausting and not at all necessary... the more i learn the more i realize how ignorant and infantile we are as a race and a species and a planet and

imagine what we could wittness if we lived to be a million years old
a billion
a google
or infinite

infinite beings? really?

why do i wonder about the universe and get angry and frustrated at my human limitations but simultaneously rejoice in them because they allow me to feel things, and experience this life and this existence in a unique and wholly guttural manner

i need a nap